CANNIBAL TERROR Movie and DVD Review

CANNIBAL TERROR (1981)

When two bumbling crooks and their prostitute friend hatch a plan to kidnap the young daughter of a car manufacturer, they think their money troubles are all over. But, these crooks can’t even get a simple kidnapping right, and when their plan falls through, the trio pull a few favors and quickly cross over into the next country to hide out, taking the little girl with them. There’s only one problem - the cottage they’re hiding out in is right on the border of cannibal territory!

Though the crooks think they’re safe, tension mounts no doubt due to the fact that Mario rapes Manuela, the wife of the cottage’s owner. Manuela’s husband deals with Mario in his own special way, while the other two race into the jungle. On their trail though, are the parents of the little girl and the tribe of cannibals who have picked up their scent. As the chase turns into free-for-all battle for survival, the only question remains is who will be lucky enough to simply die and who will become the next sacrificial meal of the cannibals?

For bottom-of-the-barrel EuroTrash sleaze looking to cash in on a horror fad, look no further than this Alain Deruelle (directing under the pseudonym Allan W Steeve) French/Spanish co-production from 1981, as he tries to ride the coattails of Italian directors like Ruggero Deodato and his infamous CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST. However, Deruelle proves that his abilities to mimic a genre to make a few bucks are even worse than Jess Franco at his worst. Interestingly enough, Franco was thought to be the true director of this movie for years.

The cannibal sub-genre is a particularly nasty offshoot in the realm of horror, and lends its perverse violence, often times demeaning stereotyping and lurid acts of sexual depravity to those with an acquired taste. And that is when the genre is done right. When done as a poorly cobbled together cash-in such as CANNIBAL TERROR, the results are a mixture of unintentional humor and boredom, interrupted ever so briefly with moments of stomach-turning disgust.

Here, the laughter starts from the first scene with abysmal acting from everyone involved, magnetized by the canned and nearly-emotionless English dubbing, but really gets the guffaws rolling with the introduction of perhaps the worst depiction of cannibals the screen has ever seen. These cannibals, who for the most part are pasty white Europeans with sideburns, flowing locks of hair, and beerbellies who have painted their faces and can barely contain their giggles as they hoot and holler and dance around endlessly. Rather than try to exploit their “savage rituals” a la MONDO CANE, here it amounts to nothing more than a ridiculous updating of white guys pretending to be Indians in old Hollywood westerns.

Now the highlight, if one can call it that, of any good cannibal films is of course the visceral display of flesh eating. Derulle’s version of that is to substitute a pig’s body for that of human, drape some clothes over it, and let a few extras tear it apart. We get two scenes of this grotesque barbarity, as a few fellows pull at and pretend to eat the organs of some piggy. Its a bit revolting, until you notice their smiles, as if it say, “look at us, we’re cannibals!” It is impossible to take anything even remotely serious after that.

The rest of the film amounts to a few brief glimpses of nudity thanks to exploitation mainstay Pamela Stanford (BLUE RITA, GIRL SLAVES) in one of her final roles, lots and lots of walking, a few clips of jungle stock footage, and a rollicking African beat inspired soundtrack. In fact, there’s just enough footage of interesting and exciting scenes to be able to cut together a trailer that (as is often the case) promises much more than is ever delivered.

It is a sure bet that if CANNIBAL TERROR had not been labeled a Video Nasty and briefly banned in the UK during the mid-’80s, the film would have long ago disappeared into obscurity. But now, thanks mostly to this infamous list it has lived on, and now the movie has finally been restored to all its uncut “glory” by Severin Films for its US DVD debut, where it will surely continue to provide laughs for a whole new generation of gut-munching fanatics.

The DVD provides an anamorphic widescreen transfer of an uncut print, and has been remastered in Hi-Definition, though the quality varies from one scene to the next, and even one cut to the next. The sound retains glaringly obvious of its dubbed roots. The special features include a deleted scene, which is just a short clip of Pamela Stanford dancing around topless that should have been reinstated into the film and the theatrical trailer featuring a priceless voice-over, especially when the announcer exclaims “Cannibal Terror!”

For genre enthusiasts this is worth a precursory glance just for the sake of curiosity and mocking, and for those that absolutely positively have to own every Video Nasty. For the rest, there is nothing to see here.

Ozploitation EL MONSTRO DEL MAR Trailer, Poster and Screenings

In EL MONSTRO DEL MAR, three gorgeous but deadly hired killers, Beretta, Blondie and Snowball, hole up in a small beachside community to keep a low profile. But this town has a dark secret. The local old sea baron, Joseph, tries desperately to warn them to never go into the water. But these crazy vixens listen to no one, especially no crazy assed old fool. So the Kraken awakes! Now, along with Joseph and his beautiful grand daughter, Hannah, they must fight for their lives against this furious creature of the deep as the sea rises in a tidalwave of blood.

Stuart Simpson's EL MONSTRO DEL MAR brings together elements of b-movie monster flicks, Suicide Girls attitude, and a heaping dose of FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! inspiration, together with a thumping rockabilly soundtrack and topped off with an Aussie accent.

EL MONSTRO DEL MAR is currently screening at film festivals around the world. Here's a breakdown of showings in the United States for those lucky enough to be within driving distances:

Chicago, IL - September 24th at the Chicago Horror Film festival
Bay City, MI - October 2nd at the Hell's Half Mile Fest
Erie, PA - October 7th-10th at the Eerie Horror Film Festival
Orlando, FL - October 8th at the FreakShow Horror Film Festival
New York City, NY - October 14th-18th at the Royal Flush Film Festival
Austin, TX - October 21st-28th at the Austin Film Fest
Fairfax, VA - October 23rd at the Spooky Movie Film Festival

Check out the film's official screenings list additional details.

And here is the official trailer for EL MONSTRO DEL MAR!

THE EXPENDABLES Movie Review

THE EXPENDABLES (2010)

A team of mercenaries lead by Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) who dub themselves “expendable” and take on the jobs that no one else will touch have been offered their latest assignment – take out one General Garza who has overthrown small South American island and placed it under military dictatorship. The job seems easy enough, until Ross realizes that Garza is only a puppet for a corrupt CIA agent setting up a drug distribution empire. The team, including Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), Yin Yang (Jet Li), Toll Road (Randy Couture) and Hale Caesar (Terry Crews) are ready to walk away, but a revelation from Ross’ friend Tool (Mickey Rourke) open him the idea that this not just a fight, this is something worth fighting for.

Armed to the teeth and prepared to stop at nothing, The Expendables ready themselves to free the island of Vilena and for Ross to save his dying soul. But before they can put a bullet through the eyes of General Garza and James Monroe (Eric Roberts), they’ll have to get through ex-teammate Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren) who has betrayed them, the silent Paine (Steve Austin) and several hundred soldiers in a suicide run to end all suicide runs!

Exploding like a movie you’d find in the “Super Action” section of your local video store circa 1988 or maybe you’d find collecting dust in your dad’s DVD collection, THE EXPENDABLES seeks to finally reignite the flame of the unstoppable musclemen action genre that has been fanned by 2008’s RAMBO and to a lesser extent 2007’s LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD. Collecting an ensemble cast of that era’s biggest names and a few modern faces from both screen and fighting ring, director and co-writer Sylvester Stallone delivers exactly what the trailers and promotions have promised to the fans: a not very good movie featuring an uneven script with little character development that delivers all the gratuitous violence and posturing your could hope for.

Outside the ensemble cast, the action sequences appear as their own character, something to root for as the carnage unleashes on the screen. THE EXPENDABLES features four key sequences that basically hit on everything an action fan could ask for. In the opening sequence, our mercenary protagonists deal with Somali pirates aboard a freighter. Next up is an extended chase sequence as Stallone and Jason Statham attempt to escape the island of Vilena. A third sequence begins with a car chase and ends with a Toho-esque monster battle as Jet Li and Dolph Lundgren go one-on-one in a fight choreographed by Hong Kong martial arts veteran Cory Yuen. The final sequence is the against-all-odds assault on Vilena which is part THE DIRTY DOZEN and part COMMANDO both in execution and explosive flair.

While the explosions are grand, and the set pieces to demolish are even more so, Stallone’s directing leaves a bit to be desired in the “what just happening” and “who is fighting who” department. Once the action starts the camera violently shakes to-and-fro hardly stopping once to let the viewer get perspective on where everything is, and the editing is becomes speed metal fast. This is especially true in the final sequence, which takes place in the dark and has the entire cast on screen wearing black. There’s something to be said for quick pacing to get the blood pumping, but it wouldn’t hurt just to have a stationary camera roll for a few seconds to let the viewer know where and who all the players are.

When things aren’t exploding, we get to enjoy the ensemble cast quipping back and forth as they chew up a script that serves to move characters from one place to the next. In the protagonist’s corner, Stallone and Statham share the majority of the screen time, with Jet Li, and Mickey Rourke coming in close behind. All four find exactly what their characters need and spit it out fine fashion. In the antagonist’s corner, Eric Roberts and David Zayas (Angel Batista on “Dexter”) shine like they were born to be baddies commanding an army of cannon fodder. The plot may be a dozen times old, and the soliloquy about soldiers losing their soul when they stop fighting “for” something and just fight for fighting sake are about as subtle as a brick to the face, but be certain this is not parody of a bygone era but an honest attempt to add at least one more film to the unstoppable musclemen action genre.

Speaking of musclemen, the short scene that sets up the main plot and brings Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger on screen for the first time ever is a testosterone filled dream-come-true, despite the fact that this has shallow publicity angle written all over it and Schwarzenegger looks a little he’s seen better days.

Since first hearing about THE EXPENDABLES in late 2008, the film has been set up to bring action fans a non-stop tour de force romp of explosions, fist fights and familiar faces that is part nostalgia and part modern adrenaline. Stallone does deliver on those promises and even a bit more, presenting a thoroughly entertaining 100 minutes that should quickly be added to anyone’s top list of go-to flicks for unadulterated and unapologetic violence. That is until the sequel arrives, and yes, a sequel is already being talked about.

FUTURE-KILL Movie Review

FUTURE-KILL (1985)

In the near future, a new class division has been created in the cities, the uptowners and the downtown mutants, who look more like people that listen to way too much Adam Ant rather than biological abnormalities. These mutants stage elaborate protests against nuclear weapons, and have been the focus of several newscasts. Oblivious to the suffering that happens downtown are a bunch of fratboys who, after a botched college prank, are asked to go downtown and kidnap the leader of the mutants, Eddie Pain. Lurking downtown however, is a mutant named Splatter (Edwin Neal), who is all too familiar with suffering, and loves nothing more than to dish it out. When the boys locate Pain and Splatter, Splatter's twisted logic leads him to murder Pain in a power move, and then blames it on the innocent fratboys.

As word gets out of Eddie Pain's death, the mutants begin a citywide hunt for the now on-the-run fratboys, who are hopelessly lost. During their sprints from alley to alley, the fratboys come across Julie, a local mutant who is being attacked. The fratboys save Julie, and in exchange, she begrudgingly agrees to help them find a way out of the downtown city. When their paths cross with Dorothy Grim (Marilyn Burns), another mutant who has decided that Splatter must be killed if the mutant cause is to succeed, the group arms themselves and head into Splatter's lair for one final confrontation.

FUTURE-KILL uses the basic storyline premise of THE WARRIORS, and infuses ideas generously borrowed from THE TERMINATOR, REVENGE OF THE NERDS, THE ROAD WARRIOR and Penelope Spheeris' SUBURBIA, with a none-too-subtle stance against pending nuclear war between the United States and the Soviet Union. First time director and co-writer Ronald W Moore (who incidentally never made another movie after this) pieces together a hodge-podge of physical gross-out comedy, weak suspense set-ups, a few good gore moments. The cracks are filled with prerequisite 1980s cliches including blue-washed lighting, a synthesizer score and an utterly pointless yet still fun sequence in a nightclub where a live band plays not one, but two full songs as the fratboys dance and mingle with the mutants.

For most, the main selling point of the film will be a chance to see the original TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE stars Edwin Neal and Marilyn Burns on screen together again. The two don't actually spend that much time together on screen, and Burns' role is more of an extended cameo rather than the co-star billing she gets. Neal, who was extensively involved in the film's creation, is obviously having a great time on screen in his full armor outfit, and Burns' looks damn sexy in her low-cut leather n' metal combat gear.

FUTURE-KILL is a prime example of low-budget 80's indie exploitation, which is big on heart, poor on execution, and whose poster, an art piece created by H.R. Giger specifically for the movie, promises a character twice as cool as any that make it on screen. 1980s b-movie horror and sci-fi junkies should enjoy this one as long as you know what you're getting into, but make sure to watch it with a few friends and a twelve pack; it makes for is easy cannon-fodder and talking back to the screen.

THANKSGIVING Next Faux Trailer to Become Real?

With MACHETE hitting theatres next weekend and the GRINDHOUSE double-feature about to hit Blu-Ray, the question once again rises as to which of the infamous faux-trailers will become the next real movie.

As the title will no doubt imply, it looks like Eli Roth is prepping to draft a full script for his faux-movie THANKSGIVING. While doing a press release for THE LAST EXORCISM Roth had this to say:

"I've been working on the script with my co-writer, Jeff Rendell, who plays the pilgrim in the trailer. But Jeff has been working. I said that his deal is he has to work on the script while I'm promoting THE LAST EXORCISM, and as soon as I'm done in mid-September he's going to fly to California, we're going to sit down, and bang out the script."

Roth has been talking about doing an official version of THANKSGIVING basically since GRINDHOUSE was released in 2007, so its nice to see him make good on his word.

There's currently no talk from Rob Zombie or Edgar Wright to respectively bring WEREWOLF WOMEN OF THE SS or DON'T to a cinema house near you.

ATTACK OF THE BLIND DEAD (1973) Movie Review

ATTACK OF THE BLIND DEAD (1973)

500 years ago, the Templar Knights were finally captured by a small village, and had their eyes burned out so they couldn't find their way back from Hell before being put the stake. Every year since then, the village has held a festival celebrating their victory and have let the Templars' pledge to return from the grave to seek revenge fad into myth and legend, save for the village idiot, Murdo. On the evening of the latest festivities, Murdo sacrifices a virgin, and uses her blood to finally bring the Templars back to life.

The Templars, shrouded in decaying cloaks and riding a herd of dead horses with their swords brandished, hunt only by the sound of their soon-to-be victims' screams. As the village is slaughtered by the dozens, a small group escapes and barricades themselves in a church. But instead of fighting together, they individually try to escape, in hopes of leaving the others for the Templars, only to find themselves surrounded by the bloodthirsty knights. With daylight still hours away, who will stay alive long enough to see the sun rise again? The Mayor? The mother and child? Murdo? Or will each find fall before the night is through.

This is the second film in Spanish director/writer Amando de Ossorio's Blind Dead cycle, which are each stand alone films and not interlinked save for the main antagonists. This film is known by several alternate titles, including RETURN OF THE BLIND DEAD and RETURN OF THE EVIL DEAD, both capitalizing on the first movie, 1971's TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD. De Ossorio's dead are different from the then newly-founded flesh-eating zombies that were the rage in America and the UK thanks to George A Romero. Here, the victims are not eaten and do not return to life, and the Templars are dry and brittle skeletal corpses with limited commuting skill and strategic plotting. Their main goal is either revenge or to collect virgin's blood in order to resurrect, depending on the movie being watched.

In this film, de Ossorio blends a mixture of gothic ghost-like atmosphere, using plenty of fog, shadows and a dream quality slow-motion when focusing on the horse-riding corpses, with brutal violence and exposed flesh that were becoming the staples of 70's horror. Most characters meet their end through close-up impalements that does not hold back the red. There is also a familiarity here for zombie enthusiasts, as the final third of the film feels very reminiscent to NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, and it is probably no coincidence that many of the characters here have a striking resemblance to the barricaded septet in Romero's masterpiece.

ATTACK OF THE BLIND DEAD (which is the original title translated to English) has been plagued by cuts and edits for all of its home releases here in the United States. Even the claimed "uncut" laserdisc and original DVD releases did not contain the full Spanish version, but merely the uncut English language version, which omitted practically all of the gore and even crucial plot points including the scene where Murdo sacrifices the virgin, leaving the viewers to make guesses as to why the Templars finally rise from the grave. Fortunately, sleaze aficionados Blue Underground finally put all that behind for zombie lovers everywhere in 2005 with their DVD release. It features both the Spanish and English versions, and showcases a fantastic print of the film considering the age of the movie and the mistreatment it has received over the years.

De Ossorio's Blind Dead films, and this one in particular, while an interesting take on the living dead genre, still fall a little short to their American and Italian cousins. The film takes a little time to get moving, and even then plods along until the final third of the movie. Horror fans of all things "zombie" and those sentimental for 1970s exploitation should not miss out on watching at least one of these films though for archival purposes at the very least. For casual fans this is not essential viewing, but having one of these movies under your belt will definitely your horizons and is worth at least a rental come the next Dia De Los Muertos.

GRINDHOUSE Blu-Ray Full Specs and Artwork Revealed

A little ways back rumors began circulating the GRINDHOUSE was finally coming to Blu-ray completely uncut. Now the full details and artwork have been revealed. It appears all extras from the single-movie releases PLANET TERROR and DEATH PROOF have been ported over, plus over two hours of brand new content, much of which focuses on the faux trailers.

An exhilarating homage to the titillating B-movies of the 60s and 70s, Grindhouse, a double billing featuring Academy Award winner Quentin Tarantino’s Death Proof and Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror bursts onto two-disc Blu-Ray on October 5 from Vivendi Entertainment and The Weinstein Company. Debuting for the first time in high definition and in its original theatrical exhibition format, the presentation starts with the deliciously over-the-top horror flick Planet Terror, followed by an intermission featuring three gritty trailers and concluding with the ultra-intense vehicular slasher film Death Proof. The set features over two hours of brand new bonus material including a 10-Minute Cooking School feature with Rodriguez, five features on the trailers including an extended trailer and making-ofs, deleted scenes and much more.

Special Features:

Disc 1 – Theatrical Exhibition:
* Grindhouse Feature (Planet Terror)
* Intermission Cards
* Don’t Trailer
* Werewolf Women of the S.S Trailer
* Thanksgiving Trailer
* Grindhouse Feature (Death Proof)

Disc 2

Planet Terror
* Robert Rodriguez’s 10-Minute Film School
* The Badass Babes of Planet Terror
* The Guys of Planet Terror
* Casting Rebel
* Sickos, Bullets, And Explosions: The Stunts of Planet Terror
* The Friend, The Doctor, and the Real Estate Agent
* Planet Terror Poster Gallery

Death Proof
* Stunts On Wheels: The Legendary Drivers of Death Proof
* Quentin’s Greatest Collaborator: Editor Sally Menke
* The Guys of Death Proof
* Kurt Russell as Stuntman Mike
* Finding Quentin’s Gals
* The Uncut Version of “Baby, It’s You” performed by Mary Elizabeth Winstead
* Introducing Zoe Bell
* Double Dare Trailer
* Death Proof Extended Music
* Death Proof Poster Gallery

Plus these all-new bonus features:
* Robert Rodriguez’s 10-Minute Cooking School
* The Makeup Effects of Planet Terror
* The Hot Rods of Death Proof
* From Texas to Tennessee: The Production Design of Death Proof
* Trailers
* Extended Werewolf Women of The SS Trailer
* View Extended Cut Of Werewolf Women of the SS -Trailer with Commentary by Director Rob Zombie
* The Making Of Werewolf Women of the SS Trailer
* Extended Don’t Trailer
* View Extended Cut Of Don’t Trailer with -Commentary by Director Edgar Wright
* The Making of Don’t Trailer
* Don’t Storyboard/Trailer Comparison
* View Don’t Storyboard/Trailer Comparison with Commentary by Director Edgar Wright
* Don’t Storyboards Still Gallery
* Don’t Poster
* The Making of Thanksgiving Trailer
* New York Times Talk with Quention Tarantino and Lynn Hirschberg at Comic Con 2006 Featuring the -Directors and Cast of Grindhouse
* Grindhouse Trailer Contest Winner Hobo With A Shotgun

You can read my original review of GRINDHOUSE from when it first came out back in 2007.

MACHETE No Longer Faux; Here's The Official Trailer

Once upon a time in a grindhouse not so far away, MACHETE was just a fun faux movie trailer sandwiched between PLANET TERROR and DEATH PROOF. But then something wonderful happened... Robert Rodriguez decided to make it a really real movie, and on September 3rd, that movie becomes reality!

In the official trailer above, you'll see that the fake film scratches, jumps cuts and audio glitches seen in the original trailer have been removed in favor of a little gloss. But all the style, mayhem, grin-inducing dialogue and 100% ass-kicking still remain.

MACHETE stars Danny Trejo as a double-crossed, left for dead, and now very, very pissed off Mexican looking to even the score. The cast is rounded out by a nigh-jaw dropping list including Steven Seagal, Cheech Marin, Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, Jeff Fahey, Don Johnson and Robert DeNiro and is co-written/directed by Robert Rodriguez.

The MACHETE trailer should be seen this weekend on the big screen in front of PREDATORS.

DOOMSDAY Movie and DVD Review

DOOMSDAY (2008)

In 2008, an unstoppable virus rips through Scotland causing panic and chaos. In a desperate move to contain what has become known as the Reaper Virus, England quarantines the entire country. Those caught inside the quarantine zone are left to die, hopefully along with the virus. Now almost thirty years later, a cramped and poverty-stricken London becomes the perfect breeding ground for the Reaper Virus to return, and so it does in a major way. With the secret knowledge that there are still survivors in Scotland, a plan is concocted to send a team of soldiers in and find what must be the cure.

Tapped to lead this suicide mission is Major Eden Sinclair, a tough-as-nails member of the Department of Domestic Security who is one of the few survivors lucky enough to get out of Scotland. Sinclair, along with a motley crew of soldiers and scientists, make their way into the quarantine zone and soon discover that the survivors have gone absolutely mad. Their first obstacle is to overcome a rogue army of rampaging and cannibalistic punks lorded over by the berserk Sol, before dealing with their main target, Dr Kane. Kane, who was working on a cure to virus before being trapped in the country, has holed his followers up in a castle and anointed himself King! Sinclair has only forty-eight hours to find the cure and make it to the rendezvous point, and the clock is ticking!

Read my full review at Geeks Of Doom!

PAPAYA: LOVE GODDESS OF THE CANNIBALS Movie Review

PAPAYA:
LOVE GODDESS OF THE CANNIBALS (1978)

In the Caribbean, Vincent, the designer for a nuclear power plant that is being built on a small island, along with a reporter named Sara who is on vacation, cross paths, and their past desires for each other are rekindled. This passion is doubled when a local native named Papaya takes them on a journey of uninhibited sexuality as she tries to persuade Vincent not to build the power plant, and becomes filled with lust for Sara. Vincent and Sara also become witnesses to a secret yearly voodoo ceremony in Papaya’s village. While Sara becomes a strong believer in Papaya’s cause, Vincent holds steady on his determination to build the plant, and the villagers have to make a decision as to what will become of the unwelcome presence of the white man.

Read my full review at The DVD Lounge!

WEREWOLF SHADOW Movie and DVD Review

WEREWOLF SHADOW (1970)

The legacy of the Countess Wandesa, a woman who drank the blood of young women to stay alive, brings Elvira and her friend Genevieve out to a secluded part of Spain where it is said that Wandesa was buried. Though their search has a bad start when they become lost and their car runs out of gas, they are greeted by Waldemar (Paul Naschy), a man who has been living in a nearby mansion for several months now. Waldemar is aware of Wandesa’s grave, and takes the two women to uncover it. But their curiosity and desecration has unforeseen consequences and the Countess returns to life as a Vampire.

Genevieve is quickly overcome by the power of Wandesa, and becomes her vampire slave. Even worse is that Elvira, who has fallen in love with Waldemar, learns that he is cursed to turn into a werewolf whenever there is a full moon! As a man, Waldemar knows of Wandesa’s ultimate plan to bring Satan into the physical world and plague the Earth with darkness, but as a werewolf he is an uncontrollable beast! As the next full moon cycles closer, Waldemar along with Elvira prepare to stop Wandesa from completing her diabolical task, But with the werewolf growing restless inside him, will Waldemar be able to keep his murderous rage reigned in long enough to stop the vampire queen?

Read my full review at The DVD Lounge!

DEVIL TIMES FIVE Movie Review

DEVIL TIMES FIVE (1974)

In a remote and snowy mountain range, a bus loses control and crashes down the hillside. The survivors, four kids and a nun, collect their belongings and head into the woods to try and survive. Their expedition leads them to an isolated mansion, where a dysfunctional collection of family and work associates have gathered for an awkward mixture of business and relaxation. At the head of this group is a gruff man whom everyone calls Papa Doc, and these hanger-on’s are at the mercy of his short-temper and entrepreneurial wealth.

The children play innocent, even though by this time they already have blood on their hands, and quickly integrate themselves with the adults. While at first showing only childlike behavior, they quickly escalate to a series of twisted mind games and begin exhibiting some very strange characteristics. One of the adults, Rick, begins to suspect the kids are up to no good, and when the groundskeeper is found dead his only conclusion is their unexpected visitors. But Rick is too late in putting the pieces together, and along with the rest of the adults, is soon caught up in the terrible tykes’ vicious game where there are absolutely no morals and the only rule is that the kids will do whatever they need to in order to “have fun.”

Read my full review at The DVD Lounge!

SCHIZO Movie & DVD Review

SCHIZO (1976)

When professional ice skater Samantha’s wedding plans are splashed across the newspaper, a grizzled-looking man sees the announcement and makes a trek to from northern England down into London. Once there, he begins to torment Samantha, starting with the placement of a bloody knife at her wedding reception. He continues his psychological games with phone calls and even places an old photo of Samantha’s mother in her house where she will see it. Samantha tries to explain to her new husband that she is being followed, but hesitates to give him any real details.

Worried for her safety, Samantha finally turns to her friend Leonard for advise. She admits to him that she knows the man, who went to jail for murdering her mother and now Samantha thinks he is after her. Leonard is skeptical, and brushes it off as purely an over-active imagination. But when people close to Samantha start showing up murdered in a most gruesome fashion, she knows that it is only a matter of time before she will again have to come face-to-face with her past, and that this time she may not survive.

Read my full review at The DVD Lounge!

HITCH-HIKE Movie Review

HITCH-HIKE (1977)

Boorish and alcoholic Walter (Franco Nero), along with his wife Eve, are on a hunting vacation in the mountains of California. When the pair aren’t arguing, they seem determined at getting the upper hand by making snide comments about each other to anyone who will listen. That all changes when Eve picks up a hitchhiker. Adam (David Hess) seems nice enough at first, but when he lets his true nature shine through, Walter tries to throw him out of the car. It is then that Adam pulls his gun, and lets them in on the truth - he is a murderous bank-robber on the run with two million dollars cash!

Walter and Eve, their vacation now a nightmarish road trip to Hell, must abide by Adam’s demands and threats of assault against Eve. When Adam learns that Walter is a two-bit journalist, he proposes that Walter interview him and write a book about their kidnapping, but notes that in order for the book to sell it is going to need plenty of sex and violence. Adam then proceeds to deliver both in spades, and as Walter and Eve become completely unnerved things take an even more sinister turn when Adam’s two accomplices show up!

Read my full review at The DVD Lounge!

RICA Movie Review

RICA (1972)

Born a half-breed, the result of her mother being raped by an American G.I. in post-WWII, Rica’s life has been filled with nothing but taunts and misery. Her anger leads her straight into gang life, where she quickly becomes the leader of her own gang. But when she is arrested during a fight, and thrown into reform school, the rest of her gang is kidnapped by the local yakuza who plan to sell them to Americans now stationed in Vietnam. When Rica learns of the outrage, she busts out of the reform school to try and buy back her friends’ freedom. Rica is given just half a day to raise three million yen, and although she miraculously finds the money, she just misses the deadline set by the yakuza boss. It seems that all hope is lost for her friends, who are now boxed up in crates on a cargo ship. But Rica is determined to get her friends back, even if that means aligning herself with a rival gang leader, and dancing in the yakaza’s night club!

With Toei’s near stranglehold on the "pinky violence" genre in the late sixties and early seventies with their popular DELINQUENT GIRL BOSS, TERRIFYING GIRLS’ HIGH SCHOOL, and CRIMINAL WOMAN among many others keeping theatergoers enthralled with their mix of sex and crime, rival studio Toho wanted to get in on the action, and thus the RICA series was born. Their choice for starring lead was first time actress Rika Aoki, who herself was a mixed-race woman (the alternate title for the film is aptly named RIKA THE MIXED-BLOOD GIRL) and towered over all those around her to begin with, and that was before putting her in a pair of go-go boots. Rika Aoki may not have the beauty of her actress rivals over at Toei, but her ability bare all (and sing the movie’s theme song!) was no less impaired. But Rika Aoki truly comes alive during her many fight sequences, with a fire burning behind her eyes and a force behind her kicks.

Director Ko Nakahira brings a dizzying and breakneck speed pace to the film, and offering up an truly insane amount of content to digest in the span of the film’s ninety-five minute running time. At times the jumps from one scene to another are ludicrous, and it takes nearly half the scene to catch up to what is happening, before being thrown into the next scene and starting all over. Ko Nakahira must have clearly seen a slew of current pinky violence movies before jumping behind this project, as he tries to get a little bit of everything into the picture. Ko Nakahira had over twenty films under his belt, mostly dealing with crime and exploitation, when he made RICA, and clearly wanted to deliver to a rabid audience and take advantage of the lax movie regulations.

On the violence side, Rica stands against a girl gang in the reform school, hold her own against a yakuza gang, brawls on board a ship with the rest of her gang, and thats just for starters. While the choreography and believability of the sequences leaves much to be desired, there is a certain charm and energy that can not be resisted. Ko Nakahira delivers up everything but the kitchen sink in scene after scene of colorfully clothed combatants with a riveting jazz soundtrack ripping along underneath. And of course there is the copious amounts of blood spraying whenever someone is shot, stabbed, or has their hand garishly removed with a dull knife!

On the pinky side, things get quite rough for Rica and her female compatriots. Rika Aoki unapologetically sheds her clothes in multiple sequences, and many of the sex scenes are nothing more than rape. Both Rica’s conception and loss of virginity are played out as the ugly and violent acts they are (and the only saving grace of the scenes) and much of the nudity is via forced strip. There is no sense of arousal for these scenes, which at least shows that Ko Nakahira has moral courage to treat the material properly, and those that are responsible for the attacks all get their comeuppance.

While Ko Nakahira delivers up standard exploitation fare through the film, what sets RICA apart from the crowd is its nasty anti-American sentiment, with a particular sting at the military occupation in Japan and the then-current Vietnam War. G.I.s are set-up as nothing more than power-hungry rapists who take women when they want them, or buy them like property. In one particular sequence, a young soldier is even killed by M.P.s when he tries to escape from being shipped out to Vietnam. This is of course after he gets a chance to spout off about how he is just being shipped off to die.

RICA feels like a condense version of two or three films, that have been stripped down to the best (and in some cases worst) sequences, with the shoestring budget hidden beneath its breakneck speed. As an entry into the pinky violence genre, it falls pretty much flat in the middle. It is certainly not the first film you’d want to seek out, but if you’re looking for something that takes a little effort to find, and have already torn through everything that Panik House has released in the US over the past few years, this is the series to go to next. Fortunately for you, RICA is currently available on DVD (and ready to pick up on Amazon), courtesy of Exploitation Digital. Check it out, and bask in the sleaze that is 70’s Japanese cinema.

THE KILLER SNAKES (1974) Movie & DVD Review

THE KILLER SNAKES (1974)

Poor Zhihong has spent his entire life being beat up and humiliated, and now lives in squalor in one of Hong Kong's rundown neighborhoods. His only true friend is Xiujuan, a young woman who runs a street vendor stall. Zhihong is too shy to ask her out, and unbeknownst to him, she is equally too shy to ask him out. One night, a wounded snake from a delicacy restaurant next door, slithers into Zhihong's apartment. Zhihong nurses the snake back to health, and realizes that he has an almost telepathic connection to the snake. He soon rescues more snakes from certain death in the restaurant, and builds up an army of reptilian friends to confide in.
One day, while delivering food for his new job, a street gang attacks Zhihong and steals his monthly wages. His boss doesn't believe Zhihong's story and fires him. And on top of that, Zhihong is stood up by Xiujuan, whom he had asked out just hours before. He finally decides to get back at all those who have humiliated and beaten him, and sets out with his snakes in tow to kill them all! Soon, gang members and prostitutes are falling dead left and right, but how long will it take for the authorities to track the slayings back to Zhihong?

Read my full review at Geeks Of Doom

THE OMEGA MAN Movie Review

THE OMEGA MAN (1971)

Two years after germ warfare exterminates the human population, Robert Neville believes he is the last human on Earth. But the germs have created an entire new race of mutants out of those that were infected but did not die. These creatures, who have taken on the properties of albinos and are extremely light sensitive, are forced to live in total darkness. By night, Robert fortifies himself in his home as he attempts to survive the mutants' daily assaults. But by day, Robert becomes the hunter, and speeds through the barren streets of Los Angeles looking for their den.

When Robert is captured by the mutants, he fears that this is the end for him. At the last minute, however, he is rescued by a group he never knew of before — an even smaller band of those who have been infected, but have not completely submitted to the alterations of the germ. These infected are still able to walk in daylight and have not been driven to madness. With this new revelation, Robert once again begins to work on a way to use his own immune blood to create a serum that will cure his new friends. But the clock is ticking and the mutants are growing ever stronger!

Read my full review at Geeks Of Doom!

MAN BITES DOG Movie Review

MAN BITES DOG (1992)

A small film crew, consisting of a director/interviewer, a cameraman, and a sound engineer have been chronicling the exploits of a serial killer, Ben, in Belgium. Ben is well-groomed, well-spoken (even if quite misled), poetic, and above all charming. He works his way from town-to-town, killing and choosing his victims at random, waxing on how to properly dispose of a body, speaking about the de-evolution of towns, and always funding the film crew with the money he takes from his victims.

There is a catch though. As Ben's murders progress, he involves the film crew more and more in first the body disposals, and then the murders themselves. At first, the crew is excited to be a part of the murders even begin to like what they are doing, but as Ben's ambitious slayings, which have no boundary or reason, begin to pile up, the crew realize that they have become part of a horrible experiment of their own creation, and only their footage may survive to tell the tale.

This pseudo-documentary, which is shot in black and white on grainy film using handheld cameras (the fictional crew is also the film's actual crew) can in retrospect be seen as a harbinger for the clout of reality television shows and increasingly exploitative news programs and stories that started plaguing the airwaves only a few years after the film's release. For that, the writing and character arc here is borderline genius.

Ben (played with panache by Benoît Poelvoorde, who eerily resembles comedian Ryan Stiles in a bizarro world kind of way), much like the reality TV stars who would follow, believes that the world revolves around him, and expects those around him to hang on his every word, whether he be eloquently speaking poetry about pigeons, or going on and on with quite misinformed racist remarks. But as with all short-lived, brightly burning stars, his very remarks and actions that lead him to where he is ultimately become his downfall.

Both the English re-name MAN BITES DOG, and its original title C'EST ARRIVE PRES DE CHEZ VOUS (roughly It Happened in Your Neighborhood or It Took Place Close To Your Home) call to mind the shocking and eye-grabbing headlines of newspapers vying for attention. The film, which takes itself quite seriously, subtly leans toward parody and exaggeration of what at the time was being sold as newsworthy stories, and the spectacle given to evil. At one point in the film, Ben and his crew cross paths with another serial killer who is being followed by a film crew, which can be taken as a mockery of the copycat and bandwagon mentality of entertainment.

As a whole, MAN BITES DOG plays out as a pitch-black comedy. This can be attributed mostly to Ben's performance and fantastic monologues. One of the many highlights involves Ben explaining to the crew the proper ballast ratios to keep a body underneath water, depending on if they are man, woman, child or midget (their bones are denser, and thus need less rocks) and speaks as if it were the most normal thing in the world. The cut-aways between ultra-violence and conversations also serves as a shocking jump that one can not help but laugh at.

Originally released on VHS in the states by Miramax, which cut out two of the more gruesome scenes, it has since been released uncut on DVD by Criterion. These two controversial scenes involve Ben murdering a child, and Ben and the crew following a woman home and raping her. These scenes are obviously difficult to watch, but they are important to the overall insanity that dwells in his mind, and his complete influence over the film crew. More importantly, they are shown as the brutal and unforgivable acts that they are, and not glamorize in the least.

Since the film's release, news stories, television "documentaries", and the horrible plague of reality television shows which continue to pour out, have since far surpassed the extremes of entertainment that MAN BITES DOG was trying to bring attention to, and watched with fresh eyes today, MAN BITES DOG is almost quaint in how it documents and portrays its subject. Still, this is an important piece of cinema which deserves to be seen, and can still be effectively used as a warning about just how far someone can go when the camera is on them.

THE FLYING GUILLOTINE Movie Review

THE FLYING GUILLOTINE (1974)

It is the Ching Dynasty. The Emperor has been routinely using his Manchu officers to oppress the Chinese people, and to kill any who oppose him. When he believes that two of his officers have betrayed him, he instructs one of his slaves to assassinate them. The slave creates a new weapon, the Flying Guillotine, which is thrown at the intended target and instantly decapitates him. The Emperor is so impressed that he creates a small group to master the weapon and uses these soldiers for his purposes.

Ma, one of these warriors, quickly shows his prowess with the weapon and gains favor with the Emperor. But he also has a rival, Xu, who is jealous of Ma. During their first mission, Xie is unable to assassinate his target, and Xu kills him in response. He also frames Ma, who is sympathetic toward Xie, and now Ma is on the run. When Ma arrives at a nearby town, he is aided in his escape from the following soldiers by a street performer, Yu Ping. Together, they escape from village to village, trying to stay one step ahead of Xu and his officers.

After several encounters, in which Ma is forced to use his martial arts and expertise with the Flying Guillotine to protect himself, Xu finally catches up. Ma knows that he can not run any more, and makes his final stand to protect Yu Ping and their son. Now it is guillotine against guillotine, and only one will keep their head!

From the Shaw Brothers studio in Hong Kong, which was the premiere powerhouse of kung fu cinema from the late 1960's through the early 1980's, comes this unique tale about an imaginary weapon. Chen Kuan-Tai, one of the A-list actors in the studio, plays Ma. His performance is what holds the storyline together, and he pays as much attention to the action scenes as he does showing his love for Yu Ping and his reluctance to use his killer training.

The action sequences in the film are a blast to watch, as the guillotines make their mark and splatter bright red blood everywhere. The editing here is a little choppy, but it can be forgiven as it is only through editing that the made up weapon can work and be made believable in the first place. The pacing is a little uneven as well. There is plenty of action in the beginning of the film and builds back up toward the end, but the middle becomes sluggish as the story gets sidetracked with political posturing.

Upon initial release, the film was not very successful, and as such this movie has fallen through the cracks of kung fu cinema. However, the weapon itself became the object of affection for fellow Chinese actor Jimmy Wang Yu, who incorporated it into his much more popular film THE MASTER OF THE FLYING GUILLOTINE (1975). It is this movie that would bring about a brief infatuation with decapitation, and led to the demand for the sequel FLYING GUILLOTINE 2 (1978) and the unrelated film THE FATAL FLYING GUILLOTINE (1977).

THE FLYING GUILLOTINE is where it all started though, and is worth watching for the origin of the weapon. It is available from various outlets with the original Mandarin language and English subtitles, as well as an English Dub version.

THE GLAMOROUS LIFE OF SACHIKO HANAI Review

THE GLAMOROUS LIFE OF
SACHIKO HANAI (2003)

After being shot in the head, prostitute Sachiko awakens to find herself consumed to learn and digest the works of the great philosophers and thinkers from Socrates to Nietzsche. And on top of that, whenever she begins to explore these thoughts in her head, she becomes compelled to have sex with the closest person, or merely satisfy herself if no one is in arm reach. At first this works out just fine, as she moves in with professor and his wife under the false pretense that she is there to tutor their son. But when she discovers that she is also in possession of a cloned finger of George W. Bush, whose fingerprint can be used to launch a nuclear assault, and that spies from North Korea are after it, her simple life as a sex worker is about to reach metaphysical proportions!

Lulled in by a psychedelic poster with an irrestistable pose and costume worn by main actress Emi Kuroda (which she doesn’t even wear!), I was quite disappointed to find that this movie was nothing more than a bland Japanese softcore "pink movie" with infinite disgust for Bush and the power that he wields.

Star Emi Kuroda, who makes her debut here as Sachiko, has almost nothing to offer whether she is standing on her two feet or lying on her back. Sure, she’ll fix the desire of anyone with "yellow fever", but aside from that the scenes are fairly bland and uninspiring. I was surprised at just how much sex and how many sex scenes take up the eighty-five minute running time, and that most of the storyline is merely a way for the characters to get to the sex (and yes, every main character with lines gets to have sex with Sachiko at least once) . And while the sex itself safely stays in the land of softcore, the multiple money shots are quite graphic and surprisingly out of place.

What is most excellent though, is the vile hatred and the absolute disrespect director Mitsuru Meike and writer Takao Nakano have for George W. Bush. Created in 2003 at the beginning of the Iraq War, the pair mercilessly rip into the overlord role Bush has taken over the world, and the limitless military power he has at his fingertips. It is this fingertip (which is bright "Republican" red with an American flag painted on the fingernail) that starts all of the problems of the movie. In a reminiscent nod to Ash’s severed hand, the finger has a mind of its own and gets into as much trouble as a finger can (which in the company of a prostitute is quite a bit!). Bush, who naturally speaks Japanese in the film and is portrayed by an actor wearing a life-size photo of Bush’s face, is also quite naughty when in control of the finger. And his famous "Mission Accomplished" speech which is re-written here to something more accurate to his thoughts, is almost worth sitting through forty minutes of dull sex to get to.

Sadly, I can’t really recommend this to anyone, and more frustrating, I can’t figure out what audiance this movie is going after. There is a lot more "pink" cinema out there with more vibrant scenes than featured here, and the insane storyline here, which should be its driving force to bring in fans of the bizarre, is absolutely wasted. Ten minutes of inspired Bush-bashing simply is not enough to get this movie out the endless glut of generic softcore flicks.